I swore at my sister today. In an angry text. My thumbs shot over those four keys with wreckless certainty. It wasn't until hours later that I thought about what I had said. REALLY thought about it. And I was left with the heaviest sinking feeling. What if those were the last words I ever said to my sister? What if, (Lord forbid) something happened to one of us and we never had the chance to say our "I'm sorry"s? It would be like erasing all the years of laughing, and screaming, and playing with Barbies. All the arguing, and chess games, and late nights spent in twin beds seeing who could name the most Harry Potter characters, the things only a sister can possibly understand...gone. Replaced by a single horrible set of words. We so often take for granted the fact that the people we love know how we feel. Do we say it enough? I know I don't. I don't look at my sister and tell her I love her. We say it in passing as one leaves the other, but I never pause and say it with full force. I sometimes think it as I watch her make my nephews laugh. Their little up-turned faces are such clear reflections of hers. And I tell them daily. I never hesitate to squeeze them close to me and tell them they are perfect. That they are beautiful, wonderful, amazing creations and I love them endlessly. The same is true for many adults in my life, so what is it that I find so difficult to say? And perhaps more than that, what would their reaction to such a declaration be? Why are we so programmed to deny that we are special? We were uniquely created from the act of loving. What could possibly make us more remarkable and worthy of love? Man-made insecurities creep in and tell us we should care what other people think of us and we should keep our feelings hidden. Showing our true feelings makes us vulnerable and vulnerability is seen as weakness. Being vulnerable though...it is the most courageous thing you can do. Being vulnerable means you are brave enough to let yourself be known. We so rarely say what we mean. Or what we think. Or what we feel. And we should, every day. Because we never expect the last conversation to be the last...but one day it will be.
