Sunny day girl

While the Michigan air is still crisp, the summer sun is returning. Warm and light on my skin, it makes me miss your fingertips. It's the same sun I fell in love under. Has it really been 3 years? I wish we had taken pictures. Captured moments in more than just memory. I wish I'd let you know my friends. I wish I'd let you know me. Sometimes, I wonder if you exist outside the confines of that time bubble...sometimes, your face still dances across my eyelids in the middle of night and makes me wonder upon waking if it wasn't all just a dream anyway. I am always someone's secret. But this isn't about you. Not anymore. It's about me. Isn't it always? I'm not who I was, and I'm trying to reconcile that. There are days when I still feel like that sunny day girl...brighter, softer, newer...but so much has changed since then. I am the transitive property; still trying to figure out how to connect A to C, while perpetually hunting down my connective letter, B. My resolve is weak. I stop looking before I even start. But I'm learning not to question happiness. To let it come and go as it pleases. To smile, but only when I mean it. To cry, even when there are more important things to do. I still get lost in the mud and the muck on occasion, but I don't live there anymore. I'm working on loving this mess of me. 10 fingers, 10 toes. And wasn't that always the point?